Ginger vs Blonde
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Northwest Mansion Noir AU! An ancient blood feud between the Corduroy's and Northwests will come to light...and poor Dipper will be caught in the middle of it! ( continued in 'Tales of the falls' )
1. Chapter 1

Ginger vs. Blonde

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 **ATTENTION EVERYONE! I'll be briefly breaking my Hiatus and having a Halloween contest. I'll be posting Halloween themed stories, horror themed, or one's that end with a cliff-hanger! The story that gets the most reviews, will be the one I update on Halloween!(and maybe a few other surprises. heh. heh.)**

…...

 **OUR FAMILY NAME IS BROKEN AND I'M GOING TO FIX IT!**

Screamed Pacifica as she overcame the power of the bell and opened the flood gates for the commoners! They all came rushing in partying like it was 1999! The curse lifted, The Lumberjack ghost ascended and-

 **PAUSE**

With time now frozen, Slenderman (somehow) smiled down at the chaos below. " **YES! I love this episode! Real dysfunctional family values! A compelling antagonist!(both of them) And a tale of redemption that goes above and beyond the call of Crowning moment of awesome!"**

Then he sighs. " **And yet..."** He longingly traces the familial thread back from the Lumberjack ghost...all the way to a certain fiery red-head. He shakes his head disappointed. " **So many potentially good story lines gone to waste...it just breaks your heart...or it would if I had one."**

 **Then he shrugs. "Oh, well! I guess if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself!" And with that he goes around making...'adjustments'. "Ok, let's see...fix the memory...tweak the rage...rearrange this...smash that...Yeah, that should do it! TIME IN!"**

…..

Pacifica and Dipper laughed as they messed up the Northwests carpet. "But seriously, I should get someone to clean this up." Said Pacifica suddenly as she walked away. Before Dipper could, say anything. He suddenly found himself whisked away by old man Mcgucket-

…...

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU NORTHWEST!?

This seemed to be the battle cry of the party guests as they cornered Preston. Preston was sweating bullets. To say that things hadn't gone his way that night would be a colossal understatement!

"Now friends, just calm down- "CALM DOWN!? CALM DOWN!? We nearly died and you ask us to calm down!?" Interrupted an oil tycoon.

"People, please!" Implored Preston. "I had everything under control- "WE WERE TURNED TO WOOD!" Shouts an irritated Media mogul.

Preston winched. "Well, technically yes- "Your not worming your way out of this Preston!" Interrupted an exotic Sultan. "We all heard that ghosts weird rhyming rants! We saw you try and stop your daughter from saving us!"

Preston paled. "But- I- That is- I had a difficult decision to make..." All the guests looked at him like he was an idiot. An all-star celebrity rubbed his temples in disbelief. "Let me see if I have this straight...you would rather a homicidal ghost threaten your family and associates...then let middle class people party for one night?...That's just- Wow, there are- There are no words to express my rage of the sheer moronic insanity of that!" there was a chorus of agreements from the other party goers.

Preston stuttered. "B-b-but- Look come on! What would you have done in my place?"

"Well, call us crazy but maybe we would have- Oh, I don't know- JUST LET THE PEOPLE HAVE A DANG PARTY TO AVOID GETTING KILLED!" Shouted an irate Senator.

Preston frantically tried to calm the seething mob. "People, please! I know that this years party ran...less than smoothly... But next year I promise will-

"Next year!? There's not going to be a next year!" Pointed out a software billionaire. "I think I speak for everyone when I say that I'm never stepping foot in this house again!"

Preston couldn't believe his ears! "Wait, what!? NO! Ladies and gentlemen, please! Be reasonable!" But the guests were having none of that! They were storming out of the mansion in droves...

 _Ruined...I'm ruined..._ Thought a horrified Preston as he watched the last of his guests leave in a huff while his once pristine mansion was ruined by the riff-raff... The Northwest Family maybe a member of the 'Fiction 500'...but even they wouldn't be able to survive being snuffed by the other 499 members!

It was of course, at that moment that Pacifica happened to walk within his eyesight...which immediately went red with rage.

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU UNGREATFUL BRAT!

…...

Dipper heard this whirled around and saw Preston beating up Pacifica! Dipper was already running!

"Wait! Dipper!" Shouts Mcgucket frantically. "I need to show you-

 **(PAUSE)**

Slenderman smacks his forehead. " **Oh! I knew I forgot something! Silly me."** And with a snap of his finger he adds a week to the countdown. **"There, that should be enough time to do my business-**

 **(UNPAUSE)**

Pacifica cries out as her father reigns one blow after another on her. Every person in the room was frozen in shock...well except one of course- "Leave her alone!" Shouts Dipper as he runs to them.

Preston snarls. "But out boy! I will make your family grovel-

 **CRACK!**

SHUT UP! Shouts Dipper as he clocks Preston right in the face, knocking him out cold. Ignoring the shocked stares from all around, Dipper tries to help Pacifica to her feet. But she's too injured, so he carries her on his back.

Pacifca blushed as she held him. _He's so warm..._ Dipper flustered as pacifica's chest pressed into his back. _Wow...I thought she was only 12- NO! FOCUS! NEED TO GET HER TO SAFETY!_

Dippers mind raced as he ran. _Okay, obviously she can't stay here...take her to the police?(mental image of e memory of Blubs getting his head stuck in a turkey while Durland panics and runs into a wall) Yeah...no, just no. Take her to the Shack? (groan) No, that's the first place her parents would look. Okay, come on think Dipper! I need somewhere safe, somewhere secret and isolated, that no one else would know about...that has all the supplies that she'll need_ \- And that's when it hit him-

…...

It took some doing...but he was finally able to re-open the bunker. _Okay rest tonight...figure out how to keep girl safe from power crazy father later...riiiight..._ Thought an exhausted Dipper as he carried a sleeping Pacifica bridal style into the Bunker...

…...

Slenderman smirked at the scene. **"Well, one leading lady down...one to go..."** With a snap of his finger, he teleports into the Corduroy families haunted house. Just in time to grab a ghostly Key out of thin air...followed shortly by a rock with a Keyhole in it...finally in one place...they eagerly synchronize...

…...

Deep within the forest, an invisible wizard is making funny faces at people-

 **ZAP!**

Suddenly, The wizard felt his power restored and his restrictions lifted! The wizard laughed! "Finally...after all these years... **KRXSKXL the unperceivable** has returned!"

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**

 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **AN: There, apparently has been some confusion. I am still continuing this story. I'm just continuing it in 'Tales of the falls' ;it's easier for me to keep track and organize that way.**

 **As for the rate of updating; that depends on real life, inspiration, will of my lord and savior Jesus Christ...and bribing me with 'Shake up the falls chapters.**

 **Yes, for every ONE chapter of my 'Tales of the Falls' challenge you make, I'll have THREE stories of YOUR choosing updated.**

 **...as long as they follow the requirement below:**

 **SHAKE UP THE FALLS: CHALLENGE!**

 **Primary Objective:**

 **Tired of fanfictions just copying cannon and not doing anything really different? Well, I am!**

 **So I say we do a 'deconstruction' of Dipper and Mabels 'sibling bond'! Through the following-**

 **(BEGIN FLASH-FORWARD)**

 ** _A forty-something year old Dipper enters his parents house and takes off his fast-food uniform with a sigh as he looks down at his meager paycheck._**

 ** _A forty-something Mabel (wearing a crazy sweater and surrounded by dozens of cats); looks up._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Guess what!? I made a 50 ft butterfly made of comics...which I then set ablaze! I'm still the goddess of destruction!...also the police are here again to fine us for burning stuff without a permit...also for unintended arson damage to the neighbors house"_**

 **" _Wait, what!?" Shouts Dipper just as a policeman steps out of the shadows and snatches up Dipper's paycheck._**

 **" _Ah, come on man! I worked overtime the whole week at the drive-through to earn that!" Shouts Dipper. But the Officer had already left._**

 ** _Dipper feels a drop of water on his head...the ceiling was leaking..._**

 **" _I also created a new water slide for Waddles!"_**

 ** _CRASH!_**

 ** _The ceiling gives way as a giant hog crashes down and breaks the floor; water soaking everything!_**

 ** _The cats scatter in panic; breaking various household objects as they do so._**

 ** _Mabel laughs at this. "Ah, they're cute when their crazy!" She shouts as she takes a picture of them._**

 ** _Dipper sighs as he goes to check the emergency fund...only to find it empty..._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Can we have Pizza tonight!? Duck-tective will be on!" Shouts the ever cheerful yet oblivious Mabel._**

 ** _Dipper just hangs his head...and cries..._**

 ** _(FLASH-FORWARD END)_**

 **What I just showed you was a peek into a future after Gravity falls, where Mabel no longer needs to fear growing up...because she doesn't have to! Why would she need to when she has a pushover brother who is willing to sacrifice everything: never getting married, never being independent, never having a life of his own to make her happy?!(in other words: An Enabler/Co-dependent relationship)  
**

 **You can give this vision to whoever you want: Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, Pacifica, Stan, Ford, Soos, etc- You can have it sent to them at any time in the series, or have them sent back in time, or do a Peggy Sue! And have them use this knowledge to shatter cannon!**

 **Also Bill Cipher's threat needs to be taken more seriously!(I'm talking actual full-on Armageddon preparation after his first appearance!) And they need to take Gideon seriously when he sends the creepy letters and hosts his TV show(You don't have to kill him, but the Pines Family have to at least Neutralize him...or make some kind preparation to fight him when he breaks out). EXAMPLE: Mable is forced to take Dipper more seriously and not mess with him to survive or The realization that she and her loved one's might die at the end of the summer make Wendy not so hung up on the whole 'age gap' with Dipper and goes out with him.  
**

 **Also, the hero's need to be proactive! When Gideon starts sending creepy letters and making television broadcasts, they need to take care of him(kill or neutralize; either works). All that matters is that they strike first at the first sign of trouble; And don't just have them wait around and do nothing!  
**

 **NO LEMONS, LIMES, YAOI, YURI OR INCEST PLEASE! I HATE THAT STUFF...  
**

 **Secondary objective: the following episodes can't end as they did in cannon!(especially if your doing a Crossover!) If you want to kill Wendy and have Pacifica be the rebound fine. Or you could have Wendy give Dipper a chance after saving him from ghosts...have them go on a couple dates(this can even happen off-screen if it's easier)...Wendy decides it's not going to work...and then land Pacifica on the rebound(that works too) Just do something different!(conversely, you could also just give Pacifica Tyrone and Dipper could have Wendy...just saying...everyone would be happy...)**

 **"The Inconveniencing".(it annoyed me that no one did anything with Wendy's 'stare at wall and rethink everything' statement, I'd appreciate some help there)  
**

 **Time Travelers Pig(call it semantics if you must, but I would never let a girl get hurt just to save a pig. Mabel's just going to have to suck it up and learn she can't have everything)(I'd recommend using Steven Universes 'The Answer' as a template(or it's Aesop at least)) The ending can't be cannon! Especially if your doing a crossover!(Endings where BOTH Waddles and Wendy are saved are also okay)  
**

 **Fight Fighters(none of this band-aid solution 'hate each other in silence' stuff! I want to see an aftermath! Have Wendy find out the truth and be mad at both of them if you have to! Just do something different!**

 **Little Dipper(I would prefer you just skip this episode entirely to be honest) (Or better yet, use Steven Universes 'Too short to Ride' episode as a template)(But if you do, do this episode...skip the 'twins idiotically Argue over the crystal instead of saving themselves and their home from Gideon' Scene. Have Dipper punch out Mabel and use the crystal. Or have Mabel punch out Dipper to use the crystal! Just do something different! Especially if it's Crossover! In that case have someone else punch them and use the crystal!)Considering what Dipper just sacrificed for Mable in Time travelers pig...I've always felt that Mable was more then a bit ungrateful and mean in this episode...  
**

 **Boyz Crazy(I actually have no problem with the ending here believe it or not, but I was annoyed that it was rendered somewhat meaningless since there was no aftermath(between Dipper and Wendy anyway). So...you know...go do your thing. I would recommend using Steven universes 'week of Sardonyx' Arc as a template)**

 **Into the Bunker((take a deep breath)look, you can handle the shipping however you want. But you have to have Mabel equally punished for the trouble(it is her fault they were locked in there in the first place after all). (Preferably where Wendy and Dipper are mad at Mabel and refuse to forgive her.)(their also needs to be an aftermath, Dipper having an honest, real conversation with Wendy about how he still has feelings for her and where they go from here. I'd recommend using Steven Universe episodes 'Mr Greg' or 'we need to talk' as templates)(also please just skip 'Roadside attraction' entirely, please)(if your doing a crossover, and bring someone else down there with them, you have to have them stop Mabel from locking Dipper up!  
**

 **Northwest mansion Noir:(Groan) so much wasted potential. Pacifica's parents just forgive her? Nothing comes from the shipping? Pacifica was nearly killed by Wendy's ancestor, and nothing comes from that?)(P.S. I'm aware that a lot of people have actually fixed that in their fics(for which I'm grateful), I just feel that it needs to be said)**

 **Mabel and Dipper v.s. the future(you do what you want with this...just don't make things so ridiculously one-sided and place all the blame on Dipper as it did in cannon(also, Dipper has to find out about Mabel's deal with Bill))**

 **Tertiary objective:**

 **Dipper V.S. Manliness: I always thought it weird that their was no girl(be it Wendy, pacifica, Tambry, or candy, etc) during his 'man trials'. Whether to beat him at being a 'man', laugh at his loincloth(or if he loses said loincloth, make him embarrassed), be inadvertently a crucial part of his 'trial', or just along for the ride...I just think it's a story possibility that should be explored is all... I also feel that Stan's hypocrisy for badmouthing ABBA while he himself watches 'The Duchess Approves' should be explored...as well as Dipper getting mad at Mable ridiculing him after everything he's done for her,  
**

 **Carpet Diem: It always bugged me that nobody cared about Dippers leg getting chewed off by a wolf, A woodpecker biting out his tongue, or his personal belongings getting vandalized...Don't just slap a band-aid solution 'Status-Quo' approved ending on it...make Dipper mad at Mabel for putting him through all that! Have it be a long messy fight! If you make them reconcile...they BOTH have to earn it!(especially Mable)  
**

 **Summerween: Why is it so horrible for Dipper to want to celebrate Halloween his own way? True, he shouldn't of lied, but slanting the episode to put him completely in the wrong for wanting to have fun his own way...was completely unnecessary! Pleas make this episode more balanced**

 **Dreamscape: For the most part I have no complaints about the episode, but it needs to be at least addressed that Stan only 'toughens' up Dipper while letting Mable do whatever she wants. Also, could someone PLEASE tackle Gideon when he's gloating about the Deed in front of the Pines?**

 **Soos and the real girl(I don't get why Melody should have to leave, I'd rather prefer she stayed and have a sub-plot going with Soos)**

 **Blendin's Game(I mostly had no problem with this...but it always bugged me that no one did anything with the 'young Wendy thinks Dipper is cute' storyline...some assistance here would be most appreciated)(I'd also like to see Wendy's reaction to that)  
**

 **Tale of two Stans:(I'm with my fellow fanficton writers. Their should have at least been a small rift popping up between Mabel and Dipper after Mabel trusted Stan over Dipper(Especially considering she prevented Ford from killing Bill!))**

 **Stanchurian Candidate: I feel it was rather selfish for Stan to put his pride over the safety of his family, when they reveal the mind-control to him and he gets mad, lay it on home how he's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about his family!**

 **The last MabelCorn:** **I feel it was rather selfish for Mable to put her needs over the safety of her family, you can keep the 'Unicorns are selfish jerks' revelation if you want, but also lay it on home how she's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about her family!**

 **Roadside Attraction:(Recommended by Emma Iveli) If you MUST do this episode, Mable has to give Dipper more advice then just 'move on'(seriously, it's a bit weird she didn't help him more with this considering how much she loves matchmaking and knows better then anyone else how socially awkward Dipper is) And she and Grunkle Stan need to get into a big argument over who's advice is more valid. (pointing out the hypocrisy of Mable badmouthing flirting with multiple people, when she dose the same would be funny)  
**

 **Weirdmagedon: (can't think of anything...save for wanting to see a fic. where Ford's Bill-Killing Gun actually works...and Maybe some more character development/bonding between Dipper Wendy...and possibly Pacifica)(Oh, having Wendy comfort Dipper over his 'You can't make someone fall in love, you can only be worthy of love' speech would be nice too)  
**

 **Escape from Reality: JUST BURST THE BUBBLE! Especially if it's a crossover! A 22 minute story wrapped up in 5 minutes! Mabel can just deal with it!(it would also be nice if Wendy, Pacifica, or SOMEONE comforted Dipper about not getting any Valentines, also it be nice if someone reminded Wendy and Soos that their friends and family are suffering and they need to rescue them before they go gallivanting in the bubble).  
**

 **Take Back the Falls: If your doing a crossover, you HAVE to have someone from the Crossover-verse SUCCESSFULLY stop Stan from breaking the circle. By threatening him with death or dismemberment if necessary!**

 **EX: Ford: "Him and I...Grammar Stanley"**

 **Stan is about to beat him...when he feels cold steel pressed against his back**

 **Undyne: "YOU %$ #% one foot from where you are, I'll #% &$%$ kill you!"**

 **Stan gulps nervously...but stays in his place...and the cipher is complete...**

 **NOTE: to all Wendip and Dipifica fans alike...have you considered just making a water proof Tyrone and giving him to Pacifica while Dipper has Wendy? You could literally have your cake and eat it too!**

 **ANOTHER note: crossovers with gravity Falls in this challenge are accepted and encouraged! Let your imagination run wild!(But ONLY as long as you don't have the people from said crossover-verse sitting around useless and not letting them change the plot(let the above 'stop Stan from ruining the circle' be your template for ANY other moments in Gravity falls Cannon)**

 **And one more thing...I'm well aware that this might not be some people's cup of tea...so if you want to adopt ANY of my stories...or give them to a friend/acquaintance. That's fine.**

 **This dose NOT mean I'm discontinuing my stories, I'm just trying to give you more options. I will also allow multiple adoptions, so more then one person can enjoy this!**

 **Well, that's more or less it, good hunting YAH'll!**

 **P.S. just a heads up; I'm finally moving into my own place come Christmas/new years...the place is nice, affordable rent, geographically Convenient, free wi-fi...the only downside is I have to wait THREE MONTHS to get said internet set up, it'll be top quality and FREE...but I have to wait at LEAST that long for it.**

 **A friend of mine said he could get a 'hotspot' set up...but who knows what will happen there.**

 **Bottom Line: If my updates online drop off for a couple months or I won't answer your Messages...that's probably why.**

 **But regardless; merry Christmas and a happy new year!**


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